PRINCIPAL CHARACTERS
Eddie Hotshot: Handsome chiselled face, strong arched eyebrows, rich head of black hair. White short, tie loosened, hatted outdoors
Ginger Kid: Bit of street rough, but with strong facial features, stirring eyes, and Medusa head of ginger curls, short back and sides otherwise.
Lady Lightroom: Classic hour-glass figure, squeezed into a sassy oyster grey silk gown with art deco styling on the neckline / collar possibly, but the L and R of the Lightroom logo very apparent in the design. Luscious and darkly lipsticked lips.
Settings:
Eddie's studio
Kelly's Bar
Downtown street scene, rainy, Kelly's sign visible in distance.
Street Corner. Danny's studio on 3rd Floor. Walk-up brownstone. Long windows.
Eddie's work station, Mac, Two monitors, whisky bottles, camera paraphenalia.
Image 1: Title card shot along lines of Sinatra album cover within. Eddie on street corner. Vendor and news-stand in distance. Vendor with customer pointing at Eddie.
"I'm Eddie Hotshot, photo ace. Folks all know me around here. They point and say, '... that guy takes great pictures'.
Image 2: Headshot of Eddie, shirt/I loosened tie, tilted trilby, cigarette dangling from lip, camera held up by head, smart-guy inverted eyebrows.
FX: Flash bang!!!
Image 3: wide angle studio shot - Eddie shooting a glamorous dame. Visible also is his desk/PC, lights etc.
Yeah, that's me alright, but sometimes even this sharp shooter has the kind of day when he wishes he'd never picked up so much as a Box Brownie.
Image 4: Close-up of Eddie's eyes - furrowed, something on his mind. Shot pulls out reveals Eddie at the wheel of his car ... Rain effect / wipers / flare of cars' headlights
That's just how it all started one dirty, rainy evening as I made my way across town to Kelly's Saloon. A hot shot headed for a fall bigger than any they'd got at Niagara.
Image 5: Reverse point of view. Hub cap level shot of Eddie's car, rain puddles with neon sign of Kelly's visible in the distant
Image 6: 'Cheers' style downtown bar / dark, moody ... Drinkers at bar, back to camera / white shirted bar - man / booths in the background
You know how it goes. You walk into to the bar, order yourself a beer - maybe a bourbon chaser too, if you've been let down by another 'no show'. Then you scan the room looking for the new faces in town.
Image 7: Panning of wall flowers, each variations on a theme of James Dean ... At the end of the line, a ginger in conversation with an older 'John'.
Only tonight there seemed to be no fresh meat on the rack. There was one kid, I guess, but he was ... well, he was ... ginger. Now, they tell me that's not a crime, but I wasn't shooting gingers that particular season.
Image 8: Cutaway. Office door of Eddie's studio. Frosted glass. Painted letters: 'Eddie Hotshot - Ace Photographer', beneath, scrawled notice 'No Gingers!!!'
Come to think of it, I wasn't shooting ginger any season.
Still, there was something about the kid and my eyes kept going back to him.
Image 9: Ginger full portrait from waist up, detail on face, eyes, hair
He was lean like he hadn't eaten a square meal in ten days. It was a street face, for sure, but with a shock of tousled hair that could have been inspired by Medusa. More than that, the kid had eyes that really got me. Yeah, he had a look.
Image 7 Repeat: Close-up on Ginger with the 'John'.
Right now he was working on some older guy but those eyes were all over the joint, scoping for better action. That's when he saw me.
Image 10a: Ginger, as seen over Eddie's shoulder ... glaring at Eddie.
I looked back at him and he locked on. I made my move and stopped by just long enough to slip him my card and give him my line. 'Maybe I can take your picture sometime. See ya round, kid!'
Image 10b: Eddie / Ginger - business card move
Of all the gingers, in all the towns in all the world I had to bump into him. Like I said, it's no crime ...
Image 11: Daily Bugle headline: Mayor Declares Ginger Amnesty
... but by the time the kid turned up at my studio ten days later, he'd just about broken every rule in the book.
Image 12: Ginger framed in studio doorway ... Hair spiky, rusty orange ... goofy expression, skin tone - seville orange
 |
| 'A Pantone bitch fight' |
That tousled hair - he'd got it all cut off, and that flaming ginger - he'd had that dyed. To goddam what, I don't know, but even L'Oreal couldn't put a name to it. Then there was that visit he made to a spray tanning centre. If I'd known he liked the colur orange that much I'd have bought him all of Seville.
Boy, this was one model I wished had been a no show.
Picture 13: Wide shot studio. Ginger in place against two tone background, colour nightmare. Eddie with camera shooting.
So, it was colour confusion all round, and I wasn't about to improve on things setting him against a background of two conflicting colours that were headed for a prize-weight Pantone bitch fight.
Image 14: Eddie at desk. Photoshop on Mac. Empty bottles of drink all around. Eddie looks a wreck.
Two days later I'm working the shots and sure enough I've got a ring-side seat for that prize bout, only I ain't at Madison Square Gardens. This was more like a bare-knuckle brawl down an alleyway in Lightroom Hell.
Image 15: Alleyway ... humanised pantone cards slugging it out.
Sound cue: background girl, bitchfight yelps and screams.
There was only one thing for it. I wouldn't find the answer uptown or in Chinatown. Hell, I wasn't even gonna find it in Kodachrome.
Image 16: Eddie heading for door, hat on head, putting on raincoat.
This was one tough nut of a case I was only going to solve with the very latest version of Lightroom.
Sure, I knew it would take every last cent I had, but I had to do something to stop all those Pantone numbers melting my eyeballs.
Image 17a: Head and shoulders of Eddie making for the door. Zoom in on his eyes which are loonytunes style bloodshot
I headed for the door, praying I wasn't too late for PC World. That fake tan .. the dyed hair - not even Mister Max Factor could've made things pretty, so I knew I had to do something ... anything ... Ughh!.
Image 17b: Rearview facing office door - floor angle and Eddie collapsed in the foreground.
I guess that's when I collapsed to the floor, just another Photoshop basket case. Exhausted and burnt out, I was a wreck, but still my mind fought with every known twist of the curves
Image 18: Detailed shot of Lightoom Console, curves graph etc.
... shadows - cyan, hightlights -yellow, midtones ... magenta, magenta ... Oh God! All the layers and the palettes kept coming at at me, spinning and turning like I was locked in some crazy kindergarten kaleidoscope, and just when I thought I'd go nuts, all of a sudden, the colour freak show faded and my vision began to unblur.
Image 19: Lady Ladyroom. Oyster grey, silk evening gown hugging her curvaceous figure. Gown opens up to stylish lapels trimmed in black, art deco style, spelling elongated 'L' on the left, 'R' on the right as in Lightroom logo.
As I finally came to I couldn't be sure if I were certifiable after all. There she was before me, an angel - Lady Lightroom pressing a cold towel to my burning irises.
Image 20: Eddie now on a chaise longue. Lady Lightroom pressing a flannel to Eddie's brow.
Oh, she felt so good.
Image 21: Cocktail counter and Lady Lightroom reflected in the cocktail shaker.
Like the chill of a martini cocktail straight out of the shaker with a twist of lemon - no olive. Instant satisfaction.
Image 22: Close-up, Lady Lightroom. Full, lushly lipsticked lips. Sharp, arched dark eyebrows. Hypnotic eyes. Earrings a la 'LR' logo.
'Take it easy, Hotshot!', my angel purred. 'I can't stick around long, but here's what you're going to do. You're going to give the picture to me and then you're going to work my colour channels'.
Image 23: Close-up Eddie. Eyes half shut, jaw hanging loosely.
'Won't work ... w w wo ... won't work ...', I slurred like a drunk paparazzo, ' .. must have .. the .. the latest version'.
Image 24: Full-length shot. Lady Lightoom at the office door, gun in hand aimed at Eddie
'Listen to me!', the lady screamed, 'You don't need the latest version. That's just a cynical marketing ploy. You're Eddie Hotshot, dammit. Ace photographer! You can do anything. Now snap out of it and get to work. Remember what I told you: work the colour channels. For pity's sake!"
Image 25: Close-up. Eddie pistol-whipped by Lady Lightoom
KAPOW!! I didn't recognise it at the time but that's just the kind of sound a 'Remmington Automatic' makes when an agitated dame crowns you with one. She sure had a unique line in hot-cold therapy. I reckoned she was as gone on those colours as I was.
Image 26: Close-up headshot of Eddie, out cold, tweetie birds all around
So, that was me, out cold and photoshopping the tweetie birds flying over my head, all over again.
As dawn broke, the rattle of a milk cart in the street tapped at the windows of my studio.
Image 27: Exterior, street scene. Milk cart in foreground. Panning shot up to lit window of Eddie's studio.
I came around with a start, clear as a bell. No sign of the handy Lady Lightroom. She'd vanished like a dream, but not that lump on my head. I hadn't forgotten her words though, 'Work my colour channels ... just do it.
Image 28: Eddie seen heading for desk, rubbing his head
I had to move quickly. Reaching my desk I identified the two culprits as a sassy blue and a painted purple.
Image 28: Head & shoulders, panning towards Eddie's face, then eyes ... bright and clear, his expression one of 'I CAN do this' determination.
Remembering what Lady Lighrtoom had told me I got to work and played their hue channels like Jascha Heifitz at Carnegie Hall, but at first I was sounding more like Jack Benny.
Image 28: Head & shoulders ... Eddie now cupping his head Jack Benny style, 'Well'.
Image 29: Film strip series of ginger boy shots, reflecting different LR adjustments (4 images within) leading to oyster grey resolution.
Then out of nowhere I was on to something in the blue channel, chasing on the tail of Princess Purple. Just one more gentle slide and I had it, the perfect match. The two heavy-weights were now one!
Eureka! I was as relieved as a condemned man in the electric chair when the fuse has just blown, but wait, it was still a gut-heaving blast of colour too far.
Image 30: Eddie secured in an electric chair ... sweat pouring off his brow, prison guards in rear working on a fuse-box.
Any moment now, they'd have that fuse swapped over and I'd be frying like the morning bacon at Danny's Deli.
That was when I noticed the post-it note stuck on the corner of my Mac monitor.
Image 30: Close-up, as scripted. Note written in lipstick.
With a real desk-lifting lipstick signature on it, a classy hand had written 'Don't forget to desat, Eddie! Loose the colour.'
Image 32: Repeat film-strip, close-up on penultimate frame.
That was it. Of course, that was it. I tore those blue and purple saturation channels way over to the left and blasted them into oblivion.
Image 33: Crossfade with mushroom cloud image.
Like with a clean nuclear bomb those pesky Pantone pains were ancient history and everything else was intact.
Image 34: Blur reveal of ultimate film strip image.
As the morning mists cleared what was left behind was a universal and harmonising oyster grey, all silver and pearl, the ideal match and blend for the kid's grey t-shirt and joggers.
Sure, he was still a mutilated ginger, but I was loving that background. It was real classy. I just couldn't think where I had seen that tone before.
Image 35: Lady Lightroom stepping into a Yellow cab, head turned, looking back up to Eddie's window.
But, of course. Lady Lightroom's gown! That was it - the lady wore oyster grey. It was staring me in the face all the time but it took a 'Remmington Automatic' to make me see it.
Image 36: Eddie sat in the studio window, a cigarette on the go, and over his shoulder we see the street scene and the Yellow Cab disappearing in the distance.
Pull back on this shot to reveal the wider studio and ginger boy glued to the wall.
What a real dame she turned out to be. And the kid? Oh, he's still hanging around alright. He oughta be. I glued him to my studio wall. He won't be visiting any tanning centres in a long time.
Image 37: Eddie head/shoulders, camera up to his eye, smart grin on his face.
I'm Eddie Hotshot and I take GREAT pictures.
G'night folks!" ~
Fx: Flash burst
END CREDITS
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